One of the of the hugest secrets we try to keep is a sense of autonomy and self-esteem. The notion or sensation that you are crucial in some unique way, that you are adored by a special person, that somebody is giving you special attention, these are some of the ego’s very delicate secrets. We are striving to hide our Divine Self and are engaging in all these varied games, which appear to be very disturbing. It is pretty depressing and it really doesn’t go anywhere, so we try to get scraps of unique love, attention and recognition to prop ourselves up.
We work so hard at becoming “improved people”, at acquiring greater intelligence and more skills. We want to be appreciated more and be more popular. The entire self-help field is focused on bettering the self so you can turn into a better you. That is another gimmick we secretly engage on ourselves, thinking we have to keep turning our wheels trying to grow into better. This self-improvement game is another secret we can to learn to let go of. It is very soothing when you start to realize that you do not have to turn into any better than you currently are. You were created perfect. It is not through self-improvement that you find peace but through self-acceptance.
As I worked with A Course in Miracles, I could see that there was a terror of divine love in my mind. I realized this was the ego’s dread of losing itself. The ego is afraid of being uncovered and being perceived as a puff of nothingness. That is the apprehension of intimacy. We talk about this fear in relationships, which is sometimes portrayed as fear of sexual intimacy, but it is really a dread of dropping our persona, our mask of uniqueness. It is the fear of getting swept away by a splendid love, a love so strong that none of us can even imagine something as magnificent and potent!
For me, those are the big secrets, because it doesn’t start off with this great awareness. It always starts with feeling like you have done something incorrect, whether you’ve pleasured yourself, stolen something, malhandled an individual, or there is something in your mind that you have judged as so hideous that you don’t even want to face it, you just want to dismiss about it and push it out of awareness.
Below all those memories and ideas, is the belief that we are divided. This is the “secret” we hide. It really is an impossible belief, but we assume that it is true; We have judged it as horrific and have pushed it out of awareness. All unconscious guilt comes from this belief in separation. And as you really offer yourself over to the miracle, you feel all those hidden beliefs and secrets are being washed away and you finally encounter this hidden belief in separation!
Please, share any thoughts and comments with me below, I’d appreciate to hear about your experience!
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